Have you ever been waiting for an important interview with a potential client, new boss, or employer with that feeling of worry sitting on your chest?
More than likely at this point you would consciously or subconsciously take a deep breath and that feeling would begin to subside slightly. That is why breathing is so important for arousal control. Breathing consciously allows for greater control of your body which in turn allows for greater control of your ejaculation.
When allowing your body to do what it naturally does, physical stimulation will allow for mental stimulation which in turn continues the cycle of your body doing what it naturally does. This means that if you’re having sex your body is going to ejaculate as quickly as possible because that’s how your body is naturally made!
By taking control of your body’s natural processes with breathing it opens a door to allow you to change the mental stimulation you’re experiencing. This is all happening in a matter of seconds and by taking the time to be aware and control your breathing you add valuable seconds to change what your body will naturally make you do.
The right way to breathe is very important if you want to achieve a higher level of physical control over your body and ejaculation. There is only one right way to breathe and that is with your diaphragm. Short, choppy breathes only increase your heart rate causing you to ejaculate quicker and huge gasping breathes forcing yourself to breathe in a very unnatural way causes you to lose focus thus ejaculating sooner.
As a general rule when you are properly breathing with your diaphragm you will not hear your breathing. Imagine a string through your head down to your groin when you are breathing properly through your diaphragm it will feel as though the string from your head is being pulled towards your groin.
Practicing this breathing while working out or any other physical activity can help you practice breathing properly for when you are having sex ensuring you have greater control over your body and mind.
Regular sex is like playing football without plays, quarters, or even basic game rules; Tantric Sex turns a man from a guy just tossing a ball around into a Super Bowl winner! The difference isn’t the man himself; it is what the man does that makes the difference!
The bare basic idea of Tantric Sex is changing the mind and body from reacting to stimulation to seeing and feeling the stimulation with all the senses. Taking your time to kiss your partners lips and while you’re kissing their lips just feel the lips against yours then leave it at that.
The feeling and sensation of your partners lips is the only thing that is on your mind in that moment, just like an Olympic runner running a race. Exceptional athletes, like an Olympic runner, describe what they call a ‘game face’ or ‘mind in the game’; Tantric Sex is a lot like having your mind in the game.
Tantric Sex involves opening one’s mind to the sensations going on before, during, and after sex by slowing and calming your mind with each feeling and sensation. By remaining calm, you keep your body from entering ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ preventing ejaculation prolonging your ability to perform longer and to respond to the needs of your partner ensuring greater satisfaction for both of you!
The idea is to stimulate your partner while you remain in a state of awareness yet detached from the stimulation. If you have ever been teased before then you know the feeling of being built up gaining a sense of urgency to come, once that same sensation begins to enter your body you now have entered the point of no return.
Once you become attached you begin to engage your body into the process towards ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ and lose control of your orgasm. The idea of being able to choose when the urgency hits you allows greater possibilities of sensuality with your partner making for a more satisfying and fulfilling sex life. One of the biggest parts of Tantric Sex is allowing your mind to experience the sensual while taking the focus away from eroticism and orgasm of one’s self then shifting it to that of your partner’s orgasm.
I love half time during the football game; it is the perfect time to take care of my game needs before the next play. Arousal control techniques are the same as half time and the time in between plays. While it is important to be active while on the field it is also important for your players to know what play it is!
By this I mean that by controlling your body and mind during the act of sex it allows for you, not your nervous system, to control when you come! This means having the opportunity to win the game and nothing is better than having your team win the big game. Again, just like in football, inexperience and lack of knowledge will lose every time. Knowing what plays to call and who to put in can mean the difference between seeing the whole game through to a blowout in the end or running out of steam before half time.
Being able to control your level of arousal (or horniness) before and during sex allows for greater satisfaction for your partner and yourself! Imagine watching the game; both teams are tied through the entire game the fourth quarter comes after a long commercial break and the key player is injured shortly after the first play of the fourth quarter.
Your team loses the game and now you’re out of the playoffs, tough luck?
Luck hardly ever wins games. Skill and strategy win more games than dumb luck, so why should sex be any different?
Having your arousal under control makes the difference between losing the big game and going on into the playoffs but why stop at the playoffs? Its Super Bowl winners that are remembered!
Having my man go down in the fourth quarter for me is like pre-ejaculation in the bedroom; it’s disappointing and almost makes you want to switch teams next season except I’m a Vikings fan and I’m used to disappointment just not in the bedroom! Using arousal control techniques ensure a playoff game win every time and a Super Bowl win plus the ring that goes with it.
By the way, dopamine – serotonin balance plays a huge role in controlling arousal.
I know this sounds redundant to many guys however there is a lot to be said about foreplay in the bedroom. It is necessary for a man to have long staying power in order to satisfy his partner.
Just like in football, the commentary pre-game helps to set the mood for the game and for viewers to stick around until the last play. By engaging your partner before the actual act of sex itself the stage is set for your partner to become aroused and more likely to come before the last play of the game. While commentary may be the stage setter then half time is the pause the nervous system needs in order to complete the game.
This ‘pause’ can only be understood when the nervous system is understood. The nervous system is responsible for sending and receiving messages from the brain. Imagine picking up your cell phone and calling a friend, now think about how a cell phone works. The nervous system is a lot like a cell phone; we send and receive messages almost instantly and as long as the connections are good we can do multiple processes at once.
When you run too many systems at once on your cell phone it tends to become hot and the information intensive processes slow down, much like our nervous system during sex. When a man’s nervous system becomes activated during sex a message goes up to the brain then back down causing the system to slowly work its way into ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ mode that raises the heart rate and causes the pc muscles to become tense resulting in ejaculation. The faster the nervous system is working the faster this process is, what that means for the man having sex is the less your doing during sex the quicker you will come!
Since it is natural for thought processes to narrow during the act of sex due to our systems switching from ‘rest and digest’ to ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ it is imperative to slow the switch over as much as possible. The way this works as a general rule is the longer it takes for system to enter ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ the longer you last in bed which is more than appreciated by your partner!
Trying to understand premature ejaculation by itself is like trying to understand why a team has poor defense without any knowledge of football. Understanding how a man gets an erection and what gets him to come is imperative in order to understand why a man may have a pre-ejaculation problem.
There is two ways a man becomes hard, physical stimulation and mental stimulation.
A male’s groin area has approximately four thousand nerves in the tip that connect to nerves that go all the way up through his spinal cord directly to the cerebral cortex. This complex system is responsible for a man’s ability to become erect and to ejaculate.
If a man was completely impaired from having cognitive thought it would be possible for an erection to happen, this is what is referenced to as physical stimulation. Physical stimulated erection without any mental stimulation added is rare, hence why men enjoy the visual of porn, sexy lingerie, gestures, and sexually implied conversation.
This makes it difficult for a man to differentiate between a purely physical erection and one with mental stimulation.
Even when a man masturbates he is somehow engaging into a type of mental stimulation to increase his arousal state and to come quicker almost like skipping through a movie to the best scenes.
When a man reaches the climax or the emission/ ejaculatory phase, his body signals through his nervous system to his testicles telling his sperm to start making the journey to the ejaculatory duct then to the prostate gland where it will mix with fluids making semen. The semen then collects in urethra bulb, once a fair amount collects it goes into the urethra and shoots out due to the perineal muscle contracting.
For a man trying to avoid pre-ejaculating it may be as simple as limiting physical foreplay on him or for him to use breathing techniques with mental pictures of something that is unrelated to sex.
A male friend of mine stated to me that he needs to please the women first in order for him to be able to come, in short the physical act itself isn’t enough but the mental stimulation is what he needs in order to come.
There is nothing I hate more than being in bed with my lover and after what seems to be a few hot and heavy moments he pre-ejaculates, leaving me with a sigh and promising to perform later in the evening that doesn’t seem to ever come soon enough. (No pun intended). This issue is really thirty thousand years of evolution.
If getting pregnant is the goal, premature ejaculation isn’t a problem because it won’t hurt the reproductive purposes unless a man ejaculates even before penetration. About a thousand years ago in Sparta it was common practice for a man to kidnap his wife and get her pregnant to consummate their marriage. Thankfully, sex has become a leisurely activity for us women however for the modern man his body is still hardwired like his Spartan ancestors even if his abs are not from The 300.
For those of us wanting to have an active sex life, pre-ejaculation can hinder a man’s ability to get and keep a sexual partner. A man’s ability to satisfy a women’s lust for the carnal pleasure has become an invisible measuring stick to measure a man’s manhood and worthiness of companionship. In fact, one of the chief complaints among women is that her man gets off before she even comes close to having an orgasm.
In some of these situations relationship problems, underlying mental health issues, hormonal issues, and various health issues can affect a man’s ability to avoid premature ejaculation. Assuming the man is completely healthy, he could have a history of trying to conceal his masturbation and thus hurry him to climax causing future episodes of premature ejaculation with his partner hence why younger men tend to pre-ejaculate more than older men.
There are various techniques and products to help a man who struggles with pre-ejaculation. Before considering any type of measure it is recommended that you consult your doctor to ensure there isn’t an underlying health problem to be addressed. Speaking with your doctor about pre-ejaculation may seem embarrassing; it still should not deter you from finding a solution and additional information.
It is possible that your doctor’s reassurance by restating that premature ejaculation is a very common problem may help alleviate any performance anxiety that may have been interfering with performance in the past.